I'm pants shitting drunk right now
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
