Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
