I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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