my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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