I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
