I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
