either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
