I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
