So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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