Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
