take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
