i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize