Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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