I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I need a beard to bite.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
