Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
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Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
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My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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