You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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