I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Let's get the cat blown out
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
