A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
