he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My penis needs a shock collar
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
