dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
