I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
