mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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