i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
