Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
