My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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