i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
