I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
