hotel room ftw
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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