Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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