so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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