y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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