Your dad touched me again.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
