ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
