okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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