you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
