never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
