We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
