Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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