Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My balls are so social today.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize