oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
