I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
