I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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