Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
