My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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