i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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