Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I did not marry a roomba.
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