I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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