You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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