I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
