im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
