Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize