She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
When did angry sex become our thing?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
