I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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