we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
