You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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