She said her name was "party"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
