I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
